Sorry NOT Sorry - Escaping the Apology Trap đŸ˜¶

The ick of over apologizing on others and our identity (Ep. 7)

Author

Tameem Rahal
12 Mar

THE CULPRIT

Sorry Soundtrack on Repeat đŸ”

Scene: You’re at a crowded cafe living your best life, and someone accidentally bumps into you

“Sorry!” *minor panic ensues as you realize you’re not at fault*
“I mean not sorry, you bumped into me, sorry that came off rude, wait no, I’m not sorry. AH, sorry I always say sorry, I’m sorry I’ve said it again haven’t I”
*grabs coffee and makes like a Homer Simpson, quietly fading into the bushes*

end scene.


wait you’re not a human

The Cost of Constant Apologies
Over-apologizing has become a reflex for many of us (or part of your DNA if you’re Canadian). Although seemingly harmless these apologies, often unnecessary and automatic, chip away at your self-assurance. They signal to others that you lack confidence or authority, which can impact how you’re perceived in professional and personal settings. Over time, it can erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you feeling smaller and less empowered.

THE SHIFT

Say Sorry Less đŸ˜¶

It’s time to reclaim your space and assert yourself with confidence. Start by becoming aware of your apology habits and challenging yourself to pause before saying sorry. Shifting from automatic apologies to intentional communication empowers you to assert yourself with clarity and purpose
.and if you change your tune, remember it’s never too late to say sorry đŸ˜‰ 

*woopsies

The Science Behind Silence
Research shows that silence can be a powerful communication tool, conveying confidence, authority, and self-assurance. By choosing to remain silent rather than dropping the stream of sorry soundtrack to everyone you meet, not only do you assert your presence and command respect but you also gain trust that when you do apologize, it’s meaningful.

THE TOOLS

See What Sticks

1 // Sorry Count
Wear an elastic band around your wrist and flick it every time you say sorry throughout the day. Keep track of how often you say it (spoiler alert - you will flick the band more than you think). Eventually this practice helps get you aware, but also mindful of your responses as you try to avoid the teeny weeny ouch of the elastic band.

2 // Rephrase
Try out some new filler phrases to replace the automatic “sorry” response. Things like “thanks for your patience” vs. “I’m sorry it’s taking so long”. Or “I ordered a steak. Thanks for your understanding” vs. “Sorry, I didn’t order the fish.”

3 // From Guilt to Gratitude
Shifting to a style that’s from gratitude versus guilt can help reframe your self concept. So instead of saying “sorry I’m late to dinner my car broke down”, say “thank you for waiting for me with dinner. I really appreciate it.” - how cute!
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More to Explore:
đŸ‘‰đŸŒ A chuckle: Thought You Were a Person

đŸ‘‰đŸ» A read: Stop Overapologizing
👉🏿 A book: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry

THE CHALLENGE

Own Your Silence 👄

For the next week, challenge yourself to pause before apologizing unnecessarily. Notice when the urge to apologize arises and consider remaining silent instead. Each time you refrain from over-apologizing, celebrate your progress and recognize the power of owning your space.

Happy Shifting!
- Tameem

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