TRYBE Tales - Blog Edition

🕟 Reading Time: 5 minutes

JUST DO IT!

Quit that miserable job, ask that cute girl out, negotiate a salary bump, wear socks with those sandals - even though, it’s not a vibe. Just do it!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Are you afraid of failure? Does the word alone send shivers down your spine and tickle your reflux mechanism? Does the thought of it paralyze you from making decisions that move your life forward? This one's for you!

The harshest F Bomb out there - Failing. Society has conditioned us to see failure as a mark of weakness, which we erroneously adopt as an identity (I am a failure) rather than an experience (I failed at something). And this tiny, ity bity, unassuming frame of reference can be the difference in a life of untapped potential and the life of limitless living.

How did we get to this? Let’s rewind to the Before Diaper ear (BD if you will). Back then every tiny attempt at reaching your goals was celebrated - falling as you learn the art of standing, punching faces along the pursuit of your first high five, slobbering all over yourself trying to utter your first word. Did you know it takes 6 months-ish be potty trained - that’s 6 months of your parents clapping, singing and coddling you while you ‘missed your target’. The empathy, encouragement and support is uncanny when you think about it.

Fast forward to the After Diaper era (AD), and things take a turn. Encouragement is replaced with an obsession with perfection, outcomes and metrics. Educational systems (and immigrant parents, EYOO) often prioritize perfection over experimentation, outcomes over the journey and grades over learnings. No more missed targets allowed even if they’re nudging you towards a life of diaper free living. Now, we equate failing to inadequacy and shame.

What happens when we fail? When failure happens, it's like a party in your brain! It fires up all cylinders and stores that experience as valuable knowledge for the future. Our thoughts and emotions start wilding out and spiralling into anxiety. Let's paint the picture with two scenarios:

Scenario A - You haven’t mastered the art of failing yet: It feels like a punch to the gut, leaving us breathless and questioning our abilities. We fear judgment from others and worry about our reputation. Cue the hot shower, a good ugly cry (hoping neighbors won't hear a thing), and a tub (or three) of Ben n' Jerry's. A classic Chunky Monkey Failure hangover awaits you the next morning (not speaking from experience, of course).

Scenario B - You’ve adopted a growth mindset and see it as a stepping stone: Plot twist! It still feels like a punch to the gut. Humans be human 🤷🏿‍♂️. But you only smash half a tub of Ben n’ Jerry’s and wake up the next morning ready to conquer the day, feeling hopeful that the new learnings are nudging you closer to the finish line.

Wow Scenario B sounds lovely! And it still comes with anger and ice cream meltdowns, because it’s ok to be human and it’s ok to fail at failing. So how we do we get ‘better’ at failing?

Embrace failure, by letting go of fear. Failure in of itself is not what holds people back. It’s the fear of failure, judgement and rejection that paralyzes us in our tracks. It leads us to retreat from uncharted territories and cling to the comfort of the familiar, influencing our willingness to take risks, learn new things and embrace innovation. It is such a formidable force that whether we realize it or not, it is controlling our lives livelihood.

Ok, so how we do we get ‘better’ at failing letting go of fear? Easy and not so easy. We’re all conditioned to different degrees about negative beliefs like failure. It’s possible to change your mindset and build a friendlier relationship with the fear or failure. Here’s some healthy mindsets to adopt to help get you going:

1. Exposure leading to desensitization: Gradually expose yourself to situations where you may fail, and over time, the fear will lose its power.

2. Embrace Iteration: In creative fields many successful artists, writers, and inventors embrace failure as a means of refining their work. Embrace it as a necessary step towards creativity and innovation.

3. Know You're in Good Company: Probably everyone you admire is actually a huge failure (harsh words, but we’re trying to flex the Desensitization strategy here). Take a look at this massive list of failures - who wouldn’t want to join that club of Allstars?!

4. Increase Your Positive Self-Statements: Practice positive self-talk to build confidence and resilience. It sounds soft, but simple statements like “I can” and “I will” can activate those neural pathways we’ve spoken so much about to help change the emotional response within.

5. Find a Community for Support and Inspiration: Surround yourself with a supportive community that understands and embraces the growth mindset. The exchange of support and guidance really has a significant impact on the ways we approach almost everything.

6. Share Your Failures (Shame Attacking): Share your failures with others, as vulnerability can help you connect and learn from each other. Communities are great for this as well, as they openly share and encourage talking about fails, mistakes, redirects - you’ll quickly realize sharing those stories makes more resilient and more relatable to others.

So ready to experience failure’s sweet embrace? Next time you’re faced with a decision that has you stuck in fear mode, take a pause, recognize if fear is driving your decision of inaction (probably yes), remind yourself if failing is good enough for Beyonce it’s good enough for me and then GO FOR IT! Get that job, get that girl, get that monies, get that FASHUN baby.

Chat soon folks 🎉

- Tameem @ TRYBE

Like what you’re reading but not ready to join the TRYBE Community? You’re in luck - Buy me a coffee instead, it’s my love language ☕

TRYBE TALES: A content hub sharing all things personal wellness and development for anyone looking to get more aware, accountable and active in their own journey of growth. Join our private TRYBE community to find added accountability, connection and guidance to accelerate and make the ride a lot more enjoyable and a lot less lonely.